


Seeing

by respoftw



Series: 2018 Hurt/Comfort Bingo [19]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 14:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16578245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: Rodney saw it immediately.Prompt: Substance Addiction





	Seeing

Rodney saw it immediately.  

Maybe it was just because he’d been gone from the city for ten weeks.  Maybe that had made the changes evident in a way that they weren’t to anyone else; the juxtaposition of how John had looked then compared with how he looked now.  Maybe those ten weeks Rodney had spent being forced to build bombs for the Genii on a remote world in the ass end of the Pegasus Galaxy were a blessing. 

It didn’t stop Rodney from hating the rest of them for not noticing.

John, grinning wide, eyes bright and practically vibrating with adrenaline as he burst through the door of Rodney’s cell should have been the best thing Rodney had ever seen but the joy had been tainted with the knowledge, immediate and sure, that something wasn’t right.

That feeling of wrongness had grown with every moment that had passed since.  John, too wired to sit as he paced the length of the briefing room. John barely touching his food, even more so than usual.  John’s hands shaking ever so slightly before he hid them behind his crossed arms and insisted that he was fine.

“You do not understand what it was like when you were gone,” Teyla said.  “We were all most concerned with finding you but Colonel Sheppard was particularly singular in his desire to bring you home.”  She had smiled then, touching Rodney’s face. “You were missed.”

“He’ll be fine once he realises you’re back for real,” Ronon had shrugged.  “It was bad when you were gone. Don’t do that again.”

Rodney had never thought of Teyla or Ronon as stupid before.

Everyone said the same thing.  Radek, Elizabeth, Lorne, even Carson all told him that there was nothing wrong, that John had just been worried about him, that now that he was back any strangeness that John _might_ have been exhibiting would go away.

Rodney had come too close to yelling in their faces.  John was their leader, he was the one who had every single one of their backs, the one who would never leave any of them behind and here they were, letting him sink.

Well, not him.  He wouldn’t stay willfully blind to the facts, he wouldn’t let John down.

The stimulants were easy to find, so easy that Rodney had to blink back the tears of anger that no one else had found them.

John’s face shuttered blank when Rodney showed him them.  

_ They’re not mine. _

John had never lied to him before.

_ If they’re not yours, you won’t mind if I pour them down the sink then, will you? _

John had never touched him in anger before either but Rodney found himself pinned to the wall, his arm twisted behind his back as John ripped the bottle of stims from his hand.  His shoulder screamed as John twisted harder and Rodney couldn’t help the whimper that escaped his mouth.  

_ Fuck, Rodney -  I - I didn’t mean to - I - I - I’m sorry, I’m - -  _

John had never cried in front of him before.

_ It’s ok, you didn’t hurt me, I’m fine.  I’m fine John but you’re not, you need to let me help you.  You need to let me call Carson. _

John had never clutched at him before, had never fallen to his knees and pleaded with him not to tell anyone.  He’d never offered himself to Rodney before.

_ I’ll do anything.  Just don’t tell anyone about the pills, ok? _

Rodney’s heart had never hurt that much before.

Rodney had never seen a look of betrayal as great as the one on John’s face when Carson came with his needles and sedatives.  

The weeks and months that followed were some of the worst in Rodney’s life.  John had been taken to the mainland, Teyla and Ronon going with him, Rodney being told he wasn’t needed or wanted.  

The apologetic looks on everyone’s faces at that had brought the anger back in full force and Rodney had punched the wall instead of Ronon’s face.

He had never broken his hand before.

John returned to the city permanently after two months, tanned and toned and looking so damn good that it was like a knife in Rodney’s gut.  He avoided Rodney for three whole weeks after that until one night when Rodney was working late in the labs.

_ Thank you.  For seeing what no one else did.  For doing what you did. For coming back to us.  Just, thank you. _

He said his piece and was gone.

The first time they went on a mission after everything had happened, John had clapped Rodney on the shoulder and squeezed.  He tasted the food the villagers offered, checking that it was safe for Rodney to eat and smiled goofily at Rodney when the village leader introduced himself as Vader.

_ It was tough.  When you were gone.  We had no idea where they had taken you.  No idea if you were even still alive. There weren’t enough hours in the day to search.  It was - - I’m not blaming you but there’s nobody else that I would have - -  _

Rodney had never loved anyone like he loved John.  He had never realised before that John felt the same way.

  
  



End file.
